Real Teachers

• Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty workrooms and have been seen grading in church.


• Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.


• Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.


• Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.


• Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.


• Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.


• Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.


• Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.


• Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.


• Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders.


• Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.


• Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.


• Real teachers can "sense" gum.


• Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.


• Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.


• Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.


• Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.


• Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the teacher's workroom.


• Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.


• Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely indispensable.