School automated answering machine

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your child is absent, Press 1.
• To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work, Press 2.
• To complain about what we do, Press 3.
• To cuss out staff members, Press 4.
• To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you, Press 5.
• If you want us to raise your child, Press 6.
• If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone, Press 7.
• To request another teacher for the third time this year, Press 8.
• To complain about bus transportation, Press 9.
• To complain about school lunches, Press 0.
• If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework, and that it is not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, please hang up and have a nice day!