Tom Swifties

"I'm really a member of the Secret Service," Tom said guardedly.

"I'm joining the National Guard!" Tom said reservedly.

"It's too hot in here!" Tom said heatedly.

"I heard the body washed up on the shore of one of the Great Lakes," Tom said eerily.

"I'm doing research on the atmospheric conditions over the Great Lakes," said Tom with an air of superiority.

"Huh?" Tom asked lightheadedly. (blonde joke)

"We're out of dish soap," Tom said joylessly.

"Clinton for president?" said Tom. "That's hilarious!"

"I heard the Amtrack derailed," Tom said distractedly.

"I really need a haircut," Tom said harriedly.

"We had to amputate," Dr. Tom said disarmingly.

"Lassie, come back with that cantaloupe!" Tom said in a tone of melancholy.

"Nurse, cancel my appointments for today," Tom said impatiently.

"I hate that children's story about the elephant king," said Tom barbarously.

"I'll grant you three wishes," said Tom genially.

"I'll have hot chocolate," said Tom quickly.

"Would you like a 7Up?" asked Tom spritely.

"I guess I've put on a few pounds," Tom said expansively.

"It's my turn to work today at the organic fruit store," said Tom cooperatively.

"I need some fresh air!" Tom vented.

"I just spent two hours in an LA traffic jam!" Tom said exhaustedly.

"Well, I finally got this army uniform on," said Tom, fatigued.

"I just ran over Garfield," said Tom categorically.

"I've got a great Pog collection," said Tom flippantly.

"I'm remodeling this house so I can sell it," Tom said flippantly.

"I'm sure it's poison ivy," said Tom rashly.

"We must find the bones of the first man!" said Professor Tom adamantly.

"Don't drink and drive!" said Tom soberly.

"This bouquet needs one more flower," Tom said lackadaisically.

"Let's turn off the light, honey," Tom proposed delightedly.

"There's no end in sight," Tom said circuitously.

"I'm having trouble finding my way through this highway system," Tom said amazedly.

"My house shakes in the wind as if it were made of straw," Tom said balefully.

"I can never find anything good on TV," muttered Tom remotely.

"Rock music has ruined my hearing," Tom commented deftly.

"All right, take off your shoes," Tom said, accepting defeat.

"Good morning Mr. Philbin. Scrambled, fried or poached?" Tom asked egregiously.