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  MISTRANSLATIONS
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  "Please to bathe inside the tub."
  -In a Japanese Hotel Room 
  
  "Please leave your values at the front desk."
  -In a Paris Hotel Elevator 
  
  "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 
  9 and 11 A.M.  daily."
  -In a Hotel in Athens 
  
  "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
  chambermaid."
  -In a Yugoslavian Hotel 
  
  "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
  -In a Japanese Hotel 
  
  "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
  -On the Menu of a Swiss Restaurant 
  
  "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
  -Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop 
  
  "Drop your trousers here for best results."
  -In a Bangkok dry cleaner's 
  
  "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
  time."
  -In a Rome laundry 
  
  "Would you like to ride on your own ass?"
  -Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand 
  
  "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
  -In a Tokyo bar 
  
  "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
  -In a Copenhagen airline ticket office 
  
  "English well talking.  Here speeching American." 
  -At a shop in Majorca
  
  "Eat here.  Get gas."
  -Sign at a California truckstop
  
  "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him
  melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle
  him with vigor."
  -Rental car brochure in Tokyo