REAL TEACHERS

• Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty
  lounges and have been seen grading in church.

• Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school
  day.

• Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.

• Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the
  margins of books.

• Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening
  up the line.

• Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without
  turning their backs on the class.

• Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and
  elasticity of kidneys and bladders.

• Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes,
  18 seconds.  Master teachers can eat faster than that.

• Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at 
  Open House.

• Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" 
  to eighth graders.

• Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask
  permission.

• Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel
  time from their classroom to the office.

• Real teachers can "sense" gum.

• Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what
  ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the 
  light of day.  

• Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain
  forest.

• Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.

• Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.

• Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's
  lounge.

• Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.

• Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to
  listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are 
  absolutely non-expendable.