The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational  
(a weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from 
the dictionary.

Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent--n., the opening in the  front of boxer shorts.

Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence--n., the emergency  vehicle that picks you up after you are
	run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Internet--n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to 
	snare Bill Clinton.

Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp.

Macadam--n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish Bible.

Marionettes--n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around 
	by the mayor.

Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
	expressions.

Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
	answer the door in your nightie.

Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
	immediately before he examines you.

Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
	priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the
	priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam.

Willy-nilly--adj., impotent.