Read directions carefully - this is hilarious!  
All of us have a small child somewhere within us; 
and when you get your new name, chances are 
you'll end up giggling just like a child would.

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The following is an excerpt from a children's 
book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot 
of Professor Poopypants", by Dav Pilkey.  
(These books, BTW, are not just for kids!)

The evil Professor forces everyone to assume 
new names.  Use the FIRST letter of your first 
name to determine your new FIRST name:

         a = stinky
         b = lumpy
         c = buttercup
         d = dorkey
         e = crusty
         f = greasy
         g = fluffy
         h = cheeseball
         i = chim-chim
         j = poopsie
         k = flunky
         l = booger
         m = pinky
         n = zippy
         o = goober
         p = doofus
         q = slimy
         r = loopy
         s = snotty
         t = falafel
         u = gidget
         v = squeezit
         w = oprah
         x = skipper
         y = dinky
         z = zsa-zsa

Use the FIRST letter of your last name to 
determine the first half of your new LAST 
name:

         a = diaper
         b = toilet
         c = giggle
         d = bubble
         e = girdle
         f = barf
         g = lizard
         h = waffle
         i = cootie
         j = monkey
         k = potty
         l = liver
         m = banana
         n = rhino
         o = burger
         p = hamster
         q = toad
         r = gizzard
         s = pizza
         t = gerbil
         u = chicken
         v = pickle
         w = chuckle
         x = tofu
         y = gorilla
         z = stinker

Use the LAST letter of your last name to 
determine the second half of your LAST 
name:

         a = head
         b = mouth
         c = face
         d = nose
         e = tush
         f = breath
         g = pants
         h = shorts
         i = lips
         j = honker
         k = butt
         l = brain
         m = tushie
         n = chunks
         o = hiney
         p = biscuits
         q = toes
         r = buns
         s = fanny
         t = sniffer
         u = sprinkles
         v = kisser
         w = squirt
         x = humperdinck
         y = brains
         z = juice

Thus, for example, Bill Clinton's new name 
would be Lumpy Gigglechunks (or, for the 
more formal, Oprah Gigglechunks); Al Gore 
would be Stinky Lizardtush, and George Bush's 
new name would be Fluffy Toiletshorts.