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The following based on a children's book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants, by Dav Pilkey. (These books, BTW, are not just for kids!)
The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names. Use the FIRST letter of your first name to determine your new FIRST name:
- a = stinky
- b = lumpy
- c = buttercup
- d = dorkey
- e = crusty
- f = greasy
- g = fluffy
- h = cheeseball
- i = chim-chim
- j = poopsie
- k = flunky
- l = booger
- m = pinky
- n = zippy
- o = goober
- p = doofus
- q = slimy
- r = loopy
- s = snotty
- t = falafel
- u = gidget
- v = squeezit
- w = oprah
- x = skipper
- y = dinky
- z = zsa-zsa
Use the FIRST letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new LAST name:
- a = diaper
- b = toilet
- c = giggle
- d = bubble
- e = girdle
- f = barf
- g = lizard
- h = waffle
- i = cootie
- j = monkey
- k = potty
- l = liver
- m = banana
- n = rhino
- o = burger
- p = hamster
- q = toad
- r = gizzard
- s = pizza
- t = gerbil
- u = chicken
- v = pickle
- w = chuckle
- x = tofu
- y = gorilla
- z = stinker
Use the LAST letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new LAST name:
- a = head
- b = mouth
- c = face
- d = nose
- e = tush
- f = breath
- g = pants
- h = shorts
- i = lips
- j = honker
- k = butt
- l = brain
- m = tushie
- n = chunks
- o = hiney
- p = biscuits
- q = toes
- r = buns
- s = fanny
- t = sniffer
- u = sprinkles
- v = kisser
- w = squirt
- x = humperdinck
- y = brains
- z= juice
Thus, for example, Bill Clinton's new name would be Lumpy Gigglechunks (or, for the more formal, Oprah Gigglechunks); Al Gore would be Stinky Lizardtush, and George Bush's new name would be Fluffy Toiletshorts.
Update for 2008 (in alphabetical order): Hillary Clinton becomes Cheeseball Gigglechunks; John McCain becomes Poopsie Bananachunks; and Barack Obama becomes Lumpy Burgerhead.
Sincerely, Buttercup Toiletnose
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